My wife and I have been married for 11 years now with 2 daughters. But lately things haven't been that great. Both my wife and I had very successful careers but I alone was laid off a few months ago and finding work has been hard. Still unemployed collecting unemployment. Ever since I was laid off I haven't been the same. Our communication with one another has gone by the wayside along with sexual intimacy. We have both said some things recently that were hurtful. To make a long story short. She had mentioned why don't you go spend some time with your folks for a couple of weeks and clear your head. I thought about entertaining the idea. But decided I didn't want to be cause my folks live out of state. So I asked a friend if I could stay with him for a couple of weeks. So that is what I did. Now I regret doing it because now she won't let me move back in and decided to move to a different address. (Somewhere cheaper that she could afford by herself). Because now she thinks that I was giving up and leaving her and the kids. Now that we have been living separately for over a month. Now we spend time with each other quite frequently so that I can spend some time with the kids as a family and even stay the night when she asks. She says she doesn't want a divorce but just a break to be friends for now and a father to the kids and she just wants me to be happy. I don't know whether to give up or keep trying. I am still in love her and physically attracted to her. Also our 12th Anniversary is coming up.
Giving up after 11 years of marriage (with children too) would be a terrible shame and not the best course in my opinion. Clearly life has handed you guys a tough blow right now. SO see it for what it is and don't bale on the most important thing(s) in your life just because life sucks right now. THESE things will pass in time and if you lose sight of what Is MOST important because of a few rough breaks you will certainly live to regret it - as will everyone else.
Keeping together a life long family, uniting in hard times, keeping love strong & secure, learning how to communicate and share and support and encourage eachother in bad times, showing children that FAMILY matters above all else and that marriage is ABOUT sticking it out even when times get rough - COME ON - don't let this go...and for what? Money, pride, discouragement, depression, failure to TALK to eachother?
Your anniversary is coming up? I say USE this an a PRIME opportunity to SHOW her, TELL her, express to her how important she and your family really are. OPEN those channels of communication again - throw pride to the wind and just DO IT. Do something surprise and special for her and TELL HER you love her, you don't want to lose her and your life together, your marriage, your family matter FAR MORE than anything else in the world and you want to MAKE THINGS work and hang together even in these hard times! YOU've got to open those sharing, expressing, talking, honesty communication lines though - she needs to feel loved, wanted, more important than anything else in your world and YOU no doubt need the same thing!
I've been married for 22 years myself - I KNOW from where I speak here. 22 years of marriage doesn't happen without facing and over coming difficulties along the way. Don't be one of those awful sad numbers who gave up when the going got rough and took the EASY WAY OUT (divorce!) - that never fixed anything! COme on - buck up, swallow your pride and make the move! YOU CAN DO IT!
<Was that a good pep talk for you I hope? : ) >
Take what you can get at this point. She's the one who told you to leave and now wont' let you back in and moved Whats up with that. Hope she doesnt have someone else on the side. But if you love her just keep being there and see what happens.
If you love her let it go for a month or 2 more. After that time if she still wants to live separate from you. You should start thinking about divorcing. Because putting it off forever will just cause you more problems.
Dude, the wench set you up and you fell for it. Never believe that a female does anything but for her own good. That is rule one. No matter how nice it seems or how thoughtful it would appear to be, whatever she does for you is always as a means to an end for her. A female is always watching out for themselves and working to gain the advantage, no matter how nice they seem or so forth.
you need to keep talking. Make it clear to her you want to be back to having your marriage including living together. You cant keep on like this, it isnt fair. She is getting all the good parts of the deal and you get the emotional rollercoaster. You need to decide too if you want to and are willing to continue with things as they are. There will be another good woman out there ready to give you what you need, when you are ready to make that transition.
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