How do I end this relationship?

I have posted on here several times about my alleged gay fiance. Anyways, I want to end it with him, but I don%26#039;t know how. I do really love him, but i%26#039;m almost positive he has some serious problems or he%26#039;s gay. He%26#039;s going to be so mad because he spent a lot of money coming to see me these last two years in airfare and expenses. He also spent a lot of money on the ring. Should I offer to pay him back in installments? I feel horrible that he has made such an effort to make this work, but he won%26#039;t have intercourse with me, and I%26#039;m sure he never will. I don%26#039; think I can go the rest of my life without sex! Also, how do I do this without feeling like a giant a## Any advice on doing this without hurting him would be great.



Its amazing that you are concerned about hurting him, when quite obviously if he is never going to have sex with you and is having gay relationships he SURE is hurting you...or trying to.


I don%26#039;t completely know the dynamics here. I feel you must have known he had gay tendancies or that something was wrong for a long time, so why has it gone so far?


If it is HE that pursued you and you couldn%26#039;t find a way to push back the %26quot;come on%26quot; then I think I can guess that he must be doing this either to try to END his gay tendencies, or he wants children. EITHER way, YOU get hurt...and also potential children from this relationship. But then there would have to be sex for that, right? I am confused!!!!


Anyway if you truly loved him, you wouldn%26#039;t be asking for a way to end this at all. So apparently TRUE love is not there and your common sense is alive and working well.


Some of these types can be quite pushy and quite charming. But the bottom line is HE spent all the money of his own accord. Break-ups are always a possibility when we go with ANYONE, so he should know this the same as all people do. I don%26#039;t know if there has ever been a break-up without hurting someone or both people! I don%26#039;t know if it is possible.


What I DO know is that this relationship is NOT healthy or RIGHT for you and you are the one that you have to be %26quot;true%26quot; to because no one else will do it for you!


Just send a note with a flower of %26quot;Thanks for whatever........%26quot; And say it very plainly that you want to END ALL CONTACT. If you feel you MUST give a reason.......do it the best you can. OR just say you don%26#039;t feel that you love him or EVER can love him, the way he WANTS you to. POINT BLANK!


Tell him to NOT contact you again. Do it politely, but FIRMLY and stick to it!!!!!!!!!!!!


Then, be smarter and happier with the rest of your life..........have a background check done the next time.....that is the going thing, now!


Blessings and hope this helps a little,


Bunny7




Just tell him you are looking for a long term relationship, and you don%26#039;t see that with him. If you want to add he hasn%26#039;t been honest with you about certain things, you can. If you want to give the ring back, you can. I wouldn%26#039;t pay him back for the airfare. That was his choice. He did lead you on. He should only get the ring back. Nothing more.




You give him the ring back and you are 100% even because he knew the whole time that this %26quot;might%26quot; not work. If he can%26#039;t/won%26#039;t have intercourse than something is profoundly wrong and he has known that all along. You are totally making the right call. You deserve physical love in marriage. It is such a cool part of the package.




No you dont have to pay him anything! He did those things because he wanted to. If he wont sleep with you maybe its something else.. religious reasons.. or maybe like my husband who works way to hard and is way to stressed to even think about sex with me right now... have you ever had sex together?





Just be genuwine and tell him that you arent trying to hurt him. Good luck. Im sorry for you. My best friend found out her husband was gay a few years ago and it really messed her up. I hope it all works out for you.




Give back the ring. It%26#039;s no different than %26quot;normal%26quot; engagements where you give back the ring if the marriage doesn%26#039;t take place.


Look to be friends and let him go be whatever he is, and you should do the same.




why won%26#039;t he have sex? is he someone who doesn%26#039;t want premarital sex maybe? that wouldn%26#039;t make him gay...you say you love him but want to split because no sex---that%26#039;s not love~ give him the ring back and move on before you really hurt him~




You don%26#039;t owe him anything for travel expenses. At least give him the ring back. Some don%26#039;t and that is greedy and trashy.




You don%26#039;t owe him anything for travel expenses. Explain to him how you feel and give him the ring back.




Why end it if you love him




He chose to come out and see you so you don%26#039;t owe him any money. You do need to return the ring, it was given and accepted as a condition of future marriage and if the marriage isn%26#039;t going to happen the ring needs to be returned.





The best way to break it off is to just do it. like ripping off a band aid you have to just do it. Don%26#039;t be disrespectful or accuse him of anything, but be firm. I wouldn%26#039;t say anything to him about thinking he is gay. He may not be and you breaking up with him and making that accusation would be devastating to him. Just tell him that you have thought about it and you aren%26#039;t sure that he is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and you need time to think.





Be strong and you are making the right decision.




You mean you got engaged without ever discussing why he won%26#039;t have sex? Is it possible he wants to wait because of religious beliefs? He has spent a lot of time and money on you, I think you should at least let him explain if he hasn%26#039;t already.





When a spouse refuses to %26quot;consumate%26quot; the marriage it is grounds for annulment, so if he refuses to have sex before or after marriage I think you have a good reason to end it. It is not the most important part of a relationship, but still very important nonetheless.





All the best with your decision.




IF you really do love this person, why don%26#039;t you have a serious talk w/him? Tell him of your feelings on the %26quot;sex%26quot; issue %26amp; do get to the bottom of it once %26amp; for all. You stated he has some serious problems or he%26#039;s gay. IF he%26#039;s gay, I truly don%26#039;t believe he%26#039;d go as far as to get himself engaged to a female knowing full well this is not his sexual preference. It could be something physical. In fact, it could be something that if he%26#039;d see a competent Dr. he could just get help w/whatever it is. Is it really worth while to truly love someone as you state you do w/o first finding out the complete truth instead of throwing it all away?! If I truly loved someone, felt he had a problem, I certainly wouldn%26#039;t abandon him w/o first seeing what my true options are. IF you honestly DO love him, I would feel he is worth fighting for. You just seem a bit eager to let him go, then worry about %26quot;paying him back%26quot; for maybe misleading him? There has to be a different reason things are the way you state they are, but you%26#039;re just willing to let them go w/o finding a solution. If you don%26#039;t honestly care about him, are afraid to tell him, I feel you at least owe him the truth, don%26#039;t you? Give him the ring back %26amp; he can do what he wants w/it. He must have enjoyed his time w/you or he wouldn%26#039;t have gone as far w/you as he has. So, I%26#039;d figure he at least did enjoy the time spent w/you. I feel you should just be honest w/him. Honesty is the BEST policy...Best to you...:)


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